


Your Heat

by EvanMin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Awkward Flirting, Childhood Sweethearts, Fluff and Humor, House Sitting, Johnny is a goofy greenbean, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Mark is a giant bottom boy, Mutual Pining, Size Difference, Suh Youngho | Johnny is a Good Friend, Yearning, he just yearns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25455319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvanMin/pseuds/EvanMin
Summary: “I heard your nostalgic voice. A sound that already echoes afar. The hands we held for warmth. We called love”It was like they were kids again, legs swinging in the backseat of the car. With their seatbelts pulled tight and branding them into the leather seats of his mother's malibu. Returning home from a long day at the pool near the outskirts of town as the car shook and rattled across the potholes and gravel on the roads.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 15
Kudos: 117





	Your Heat

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of JCC episode 19 where they build a tent.

When Mark had gotten the call that his parents were going on vacation for their anniversary he was excited. Happy that his parents were treating themselves for once, he didn’t even mind if he had to stay back at his dorms for his summer break.

But then they mentioned needing a house sitter to take care of their plants and keep it tidy. He was more than happy to, of course. He was even happier when they said Johnny could join him as his parents were also busy this break. They’d be able to spend their break together in a nice house they spend their early teens in.

Which seemed fine in theory. Spending time with your best friend you grew up with and attended the same university as them? Sounded like a dream come true.

But then Mark sat down and  _ actually _ thought about it. Spending a couple of weeks with the love of his life started to sound like a nightmare. Especially in his childhood home, alone, where they’d always be around each other. Where even in his safest environment he’d huddle into himself, cowering before the elder in his own home.

It was already too late to change his mind. Like a week too late, they'd already cleared their schedule and packed for this trip back home. Even waking up early in the morning to be able to settle in before it was late at night, he couldn't just cancel on his parents an hour into the ride home. Which is how he found himself helping unpack Johnny's old beat-up truck parked outside of his childhood home. 

The driveway was gravel, just as it always had been. With a puddle that seemed to always be there on the driver's side, which had Johnny cursing under his breath when he almost stepped

into it. All Mark could think was,  _ ‘I’m home’ _ .

The drive there had been nauseating. With the passing trees of oak and sycamore, leaves swaying with the breeze. As if they were greeting them back home with their cheerful fluttering. The bushes on the sides of the asphalt were overgrown again, spilling and seeping onto the road, and splitting the road into pieces as it pleased. Yet they were treated as citizens in his town, no one had the heart to get rid of its beautiful flora.

Their ashy and old road was the same, with the worn-out stripes barely visible, and the road signs that no one could read anymore but it didn't even matter. They just knew what it said. Kissed by the sunlight that filtered through the tree tunnel that was the greenest of hues, little specks of its light spilled into the car as well. Brandishing their faces with freckles of light. 

It was like they were kids again, legs swinging in the backseat of the car. With their seatbelts pulled tight and branding them into the leather seats of his mother's malibu. Returning home from a long day at the pool near the outskirts of town as the car shook and rattled across the potholes and gravel on the roads.

But now they were adults, sitting in the front seat of the car. With the speakers playing soft songs of Andre Prahlow as they drove past their town's old wooden sign. Rough, untouched yet so worn out. The paint that was once bright green was worn out with its white background rotting into a stained rusty yellow. And yet it still welcomed them kindly, as if the town bowed to them and patted their heads.

They got the necessities such as food for the house and clothes and toiletries at a stop in their town's strip mall. Nothing major, but already Mark was dealing with his inner turmoil the minute he and Johnny went shopping. With Johnny’s hand at his lower back, guiding him as he pushed the cart he already started to heat up. Like his body was on fire from the mere touch.

And the way Johnny would lean in and softly mutter things in his ear was slowly killing him as well. Johnny had always been so father-like, taking care of his friends and being attentive. It was like build-in code he couldn't break from. It wasn't anything more than a kind gesture. 

By that point, he had already been riled up. Especially when Johnny had offered to bring their bags inside. Arm muscles flexing as he did so and Mark tried not to think about those arms wrapped around him and his hands on his lithe waist. Keyword:  _ tried _ .

"We can drop our stuff off in my room," Mark said, leading the elder to his room. Despite him being here before he still felt awkward like he should give him a tour of the building. Like he always felt when he was younger, just awkwardly tiptoeing around the elder, hoping it wasn't obvious that he liked him (Which is hard for him not to with the way Mark followed him around like a lost puppy).

The carpet at the front hallway was the same, shoes sprawled on it. However, just his parents' shoes were there, his mom's array of heels and slippers and his dad's sneakers and business shoes. With the same flower design on it, though it was no longer matted down like it was when he was a kid. Mud staining the surface was now gone, replaced with its original fluffy state. He couldn't help but smile remembering when he'd gotten scolded for tracking mud in the house. 

"Hey, they got that paint stain out of the carpet," Johnny pointed out with the tip of his shoe. In the corner of the carpet, there used to be some paint splatter from when they were painting the house together. It was when Mark had first moved into the neighborhood and Johnny's parents had come over to help unpack their things. It was when he and the elder man first met in the first place, accidentally stepping into the paint tray, tipping it over slightly and some had trickled onto the carpet. It had hardened and stayed there for years, but now it looks clean as if it was never there in the first place. 

“Took ‘em long enough,” Mark huffed, crouching down to run a hand across the carpet, “We got in like, so much trouble”

He couldn’t help but smile at the memory of him and Johnny getting scolded, pouting in guilt as they stared down at their feet. Wondering when both their parents would stop berating them and what their punishment would be (they didn’t get to have any cookies for dessert that night).

The little cubby area next to the door for your coats and scarves for the winter was still out too. Although it was originally for his school storage, like his backpack and what his mother deemed school shoes. Family photos lined the walls along with a little table for the mail and the keys. It was exactly how it was when he was growing up. Although it was the same, and nothing was out of place. It still felt  _ odd _ .

The paint on the walls that was once chipped was painted over. Scuffs in the walls had even been fixed and cleaned. It was the exact same house but… fixed. All it's nostalgic and beautiful damages that accumulated over time were gone. Leaving it unfamiliar.

Mark and Johnny had grown up together, for most of their middle school years up until high school and now college. He spent nights, holidays, and many spring breaks in his house through the years. They both molded this house into their own home with each other. With the familiar spots on the couch they sat at, and their names carved into the trees in his backyard. Filling it with their safest sounds with each other, their laugher and silent words muttered in the silence of the night. 

But it had been so long since they had been in the house that it felt foreign to them. Nothing changed and yet it felt like so much did. The same furniture didn't have its nicks and stains on it, and the decorations weren't ripped or old looking anymore. Maybe it was perspective. When they were younger the house seemed so much bigger and spacious, they barely took up half of the doorways. But now they were taller, bigger, and everything felt more small and cozy. Even

so, Mark could hear the soft murmurs of their childhood in the walls and lingering in the air. Like he could rebuild the memory right in front of him.

For Mark, it felt like that, times a thousand. Growing up he harbored a huge crush the size of mountains for his best friend. Although he didn't always know it. 

It wasn't until high school came around did he realize that he so desperately wanted to kiss Johnny silly. He wanted to hold his hand and be held in his big strong arms. Wrapped up until his smaller frame molded to the elders. Until he couldn't differentiate whose body was his. 

Thoughts like that would occur during their sleepovers. When they’d stay awake under the duvet, staring at each other in the dark. Whispering and laughing, trying not to wake Mark’s parents up. And the moonlight hitting Johnny’s skin, dripping down on his face and onto the bow of his lips made him almost give in. Wanting to sigh and lean in to capture his lips. To risk it all.

It was intense and it overtook his heart and emotions any time he was around the guy. It wasn’t too debilitating that it made him suffer or make him act any different in front of Johnny. No, he got good at hiding it and it didn’t become an obstacle in their friendship at all. But it was always present. Bubbling over the surface, like a glacier he hid his feelings down below. Knowing Johnny would never really know unless he took a dive into his world and swam through his feelings. Which would need Mark to actually open up and allow him to go under his surface.

Even as they tip-toed their shoes off and neatly placed them near the cubbies, seeing their now adult-sized shoes together had him feeling things. Just seeing them placed where they normally put them away as kids he was reminded how much time they spent together. Happy that even now they were still together, still happy like when they were kids. 

Johnny hadn't gotten any partners growing up and they were practically sewn at the hip so he never had that heart-wrenching pain of seeing the one he loves with someone else. It didn't mean he didn't feel hurt over it though. Because it was that inevitable waiting game he had started with himself. Wondering when this honeymoon phase of their friendship would halt when Johnny found himself a partner. 

Touches and gazes shared were romanticized by his rose-tinted glasses. Words that carried no weight he'd hold onto like a lifeline. The words _ ‘together forever’ _ became an unrealistic goal that kept him afloat. I mean, he and Johnny would be in each other's lives forever and always, he knew that. But that didn't mean that they'd be together in the way he'd like them to be. 

"Whoa, look at these photos of baby Mark!" Johnny exclaimed, picking up the frame from the glass table in his living room. For now, he'd cast those thoughts and sad realities aside.

Atop the table laid frames upon frames of family photos. Many were of him as a kid and his family on the beach or at the park. Others were his school photos with the terrible backgrounds

behind him with an awkward smile and bowl-cut hair. Some had he and Johnny in them as well. 

Johnny had picked up a photo of him when he was maybe eleven or twelve, he was smiling brightly in front of a blue background. The familiar blue of the school photographers set up, where they’d sit you uncomfortably on a stool and make you move your limbs in awkward positions that sometimes weren’t even shown in the photo.

_ “Memories,”  _ He mumbled to himself.

“You haven’t changed at all,” his friend said chortling, hand at his chest as he almost fell forward in laughter. Holding the photo up to Mark’s face.

“Shut up,” He said, swatting at the frame.

Putting it back down, with careful fingertips he made sure it was put exactly back in place.

"If anything, you've changed," Mark said, picking up a picture of them on their first day of middle school together. The building behind them is old, with its red bricks fading. Probably the last time it ever looked so nice with the sun hitting it in ripples.

His scent, if anything, changed the most. As teens, Johnny smelled of an axe body spray his mother had decided to buy him that week along with the smell of fabric softener soaking up his clothes. They both smelled like teenagers finding anything to cover up the smell of sweat and dirt from not showering in a couple of days. 

But now Johnny smelled like…  _ Johnny _ . As teenagers when they’d sleep in the same bed after a shower, Mark could smell Johnny’s real smell. He could smell the softness of his mother's shampoo they borrowed but he could smell the soft citrus of Johnny.

He smelled calming and sweet like a strawberry iced tea with a hint of lemon. One that stayed there until now. Now, whenever Johnny huddled close and put his body against Mark's own, splaying his chest and limbs over his back whenever he got needy and touch-starved. He could smell his soft citrus and sweet smell with his cologne at his neck and across his collar bones. The cologne that he wore everywhere, yet never too much. It was just enough to compliment his underlying sweet and soft smell. Woody and herbaceous.

Sometimes if they sat close to each other during class, the cologne he sprayed on his inner wrist would rub off on Mark's clothes. Mixing well with his own fruity yet floral peony perfume he wore. And those days where his clothes would have his scent lingering across Mark's own were his favorite. When people from his class would lean in and take a whiff, telling him how good he smelled. How good he smelled when he was interlaced with Johnny's scent. Those days when it got so hectic his head pounded against his skull, the only thing to calm him was Johnny's lingering cologne on his shirt collar.

“I know I was so small, now I’m a giant with noodle legs,” Johnny replied, jutting his legs out for emphasis.

It wasn't what he was going for. Sure he'd grown a lot too, but his favorite feature was his smile that grew big and long-lasting. His breathy laughter he cherished more than Johnny's long limbs. Even if he found himself malfunctioning whenever their limbs were compared, leaving him to always be the smaller and petite one. Breath hitching when Johnny's hand could wrap around and engulf his wrists in the palms of his hands. 

"You're less annoying, too," Mark said with a giggle as Johnny's face changed from a smile to a scowl. That smile that warmed his chest up, causing him to hit his hand against his arm as he wheezed out laughter. 

“Way to hurt my ego, Mark” Although he shook his head and placed a hand on his heart feigning hurt, he couldn’t help but let a smile dance on his lips.

It was true, Johnny changed a lot. Whether he noticed then or not, he noticed it now. The way he grew into his features, how beautiful he turned out to be. He found his every limb lovely and filled with such greatness he didn't know how to convey into words. It didn't matter if he was as ripped as he was now or if he still wore those same baggy jeans in high school with the same sweatshirt. The little things like his laughter, his warm eyes, and the way he stared at sunsets was enough for him to fall for him.

When they made it into his room, both of them froze in awe. Like a stone unturned it looked the same as when they were tweens. The sheets and decorations stayed just as they did then. Even the marks on his door, the chipped paint, and pencil marking he once got in trouble for were still there. 

“Whoa, your parents kept it the same?” Johnny asked, running his fingers across the many posters along the walls, still pinned the way they were when they had left for college together.

“Yea, I had asked them to, but like, I didn’t expect them to  _ actually _ do it,” He said, taking a seat on the bed. It squeaked under him as his body put pressure on the metal bed frame.

“Du-u-u-de!” he said looking up at the glow in the dark stickers that still were on his ceiling. It was like old feelings were flooding back to him. Stepping into his own personal time capsule.

A part of his life he’ll never live through again yet here he was. Feeling things.

This room was where they shared secrets under the sheets. Where in the deep nights where Johny had fallen asleep, he had sat up, tucking strands of the elder's hair behind his ear. And he'd whisper goodnight to him before pulling the blankets more over them and huddling close.

As close as he could be. Right where he sat was where they talked about their future and how scary it was to be getting older. A place where they promised to always stay by each other's side. Every phase they went through together in this room.

“I’ll put the food away, you can put our stuff away, alright Mark?” Johnny said, grabbing the bags of food from Mark’s hands. As if he knew that Mark needed time to adjust and think. Becoming that dad-like friend, taking care of, and babying Mark.

The only difference in his room now was the empty drawers that once held his clothes and many secret trinkets over the years. Most likely they were put in boxes and tucked away somewhere in the house. But it was still nice to see the bare plain wood of his old dresser, one that had stickers from old clothes stuck to it. It was even nicer to put his clothes in them alongside Johnny's own bigger ones. Like they were always meant to be like that.

When he finally emerged out of his room he saw Johnny lounging on the couch. Long legs hanging off of the arm cushions. Years ago he could’ve fit perfectly on it but now he’s bigger, larger, and one wrong move would cause him to come barreling off the side of the couch.

“I put it away, hyung,” He said, leaning himself over the top of the couch. Elbows perching him up.

“Guessing the food is secure?” He asked, earning a little nod from the elder. His hair sprawled across the cushions, looking as pretty as a dream.

"This fabric is like, ancient. I remember our sleepovers out here, remember? We'd built a fort out here," his hand swept across the fabric, fingertips dancing along the flowers embroidered onto the fabric. 

“Yo, hyung, we should do that tonight,” Mark replied.

He was already on the fence about them sleeping in his old bedroom together. His bed was already small, it was a full but still not big enough for him and Johnny’s long limbs. They’d have to be cuddling close so as to not fall off the sides of the mattress. Which wouldn’t be an issue if Mark didn’t have a huge ass crush on the elder.

But for now, he'd stall it, hoping he could use the living-room-fort-idea for a couple of days before they crossed the bridge of sleeping in his bedroom. Where he'd have to eventually get his feelings under control so they could sleep peacefully. Even if it meant waiting for the elder to fall asleep first so he could get a breather. He couldn't be a child about it forever.

"That's a great idea, like the old days," He said as he sat up, face mere inches away from Mark's own. 

“Dude, you act like we’re eighty,” he chuckled.

“My bones sometimes feel that way, I got old man body, my bones ache from the pressure of society, Ugh”

Johnny laid back down on the couch, letting his limbs sprawl. With a hand at his forehead, dramatically sighing, “Tell my family I love them”

“I can’t stand you,” With a shake of his head he made his way to the garage, not ignoring Johnny’s laughter from behind him. Leaving him to chuckle at their banter.

“Because you’re too short, ever thought of that, Mark?” Johnny yelled after him.

“Yo, you gonna help me with this or be lazy the entire time?” He asked, looking through the boxes on the shelves. Pulling out extra blankets and pillows for them.

Alongside the old familiar boxes and plastic totes with their contents written on the side in his mother's handwriting, laid newer boxes. His name adorned the unblemished cardboard of the box. Most likely it was his old things, which made him smile knowing his parents had made sure to keep them neat and safe.

"Where's the tent?" He mumbled to himself, rummaging through the other boxes on the floor. Looking up he saw it on the tallest shelf and he couldn't help but huff. Of course, they'd put it where he couldn't reach it.

He tried to reach it the best he could, stepping on some boxes and a toolbox to try and reach it. His fingers only grazed the surface of the box, “This is bullshit”

“Need me, Markie?” Johnny chuckled as he walked in, reaching the tent effortlessly.

“Whoa all your stuff is in here?” he asked rhetorically, making his way through the tower of boxes himself to make it to Mark. Stepping over them with his long legs.

Within seconds his chest was pressed up against Mark’s back, almost pinning him to the garage wall. His hand found it’s way at the jut of Mark's hip to balance himself as he got the box off the shelf. It was there for  _ three _ whole seconds, he’d counted.

“Anything else you need?” he asked nonchalantly. As if he wasn’t manhandling the younger and setting his skin ablaze by the seconds.

"Uh… I need, like, fairy lights. They should be up there," he tried to not show that this affected him in any way. That he didn't have dreams about Johnny holding his hips like this, like he was protecting him. Pinning him to a wall and kissing him until he begged for air. But it only was a

couple of seconds later that the elder found the box of Christmas lights. 

“Got it,” he passed the box to him with a soft  _ ‘here’ _ , “ you should be glad I got these beanstalk legs”

And his warmth was gone. Ripped away from him and he almost whined for him to come back. To wrap his big hands around his waist and pull him close until their chests touched. But it was good that he didn’t linger unless Mark would’ve been dead, his legs resulting to jelly.

"Yes hyung, every day I'm grateful the world granted you beanstalk legs"

“You should”

  
  


__________

  
  


“We should’ve done this earlier,” Johnny admitted, looking at the tents instructions.

Mark huffed trying to figure out how to connect the tents dowels, “you think?”

“Hey I made dinner, therefore you shouldn’t be complaining. This will be easy--”

“-- _ ’Five hours later’ _ ”

“Way to discourage me, the one who got the tent in the first place”

“I could’ve gotten it myself,” He said with a scowl, glaring at Johnny who just smiled his way. Just sliding the dowels through the tents plastic loops.

“We’re doing great, it’s coming to life”

It took almost another ten minutes to finally set the tent up. It wasn’t like they were used to doing it alone, Mark’s parents usually built it for them while they were getting ready for bed. Now it was just them building it and he didn’t want to even think about them having to take it down and put it away in the morning.

It was fairly big, they needed to remove the coffee table and move the couches farther apart to fit it. Which wasn’t a hard task, especially with Johnny and his strength combined. He was just glad it was able to fit them both in it.

"I call decorating it!" Mark exclaimed, reaching for the box of Christmas lights. 

The elder shook his head with a smile as he grabbed the blankets they grabbed form the garage, “I’ll set up the blankets inside then”

Throwing the lights on top of the tent, he wrapped it around the dowels to hold it up, “This is so pretty, yo this is going to turn out so cute hyung”

“You’re doing good, I’m almost done and then we can get ready for bed”

Mark had calmed himself and his thoughts down about them laying next to one another. They were roommates back at the dorms, but they slept several feet away and showered in the public showers. So he never really got that close feel of getting ready for bed. It was never this  _ intimate _ before.

Especially when he plugged the lights in and they showered Johnny’s skin in gold. It made him look soft, especially the way it danced across his locks of hair. Honey strands long enough to be tucked behind his ears and delicately falling across his forehead.

He wonders if his younger self also looked at Johnny like this. If his oblivious self who didn't realize his heart weighing him down would look at Johnny like he was the most beautiful thing in the room. How he dealt with his feelings being unknown to the elder and himself, Mark wanted to know; how did he use to calm himself down?

“Mind if I join you?” Mark asked softly, ducking to look into the tent.

“Yup, It’s nice and cozy in here,” He patted the spot next to him.

“But don’t get too comfortable, I’m showering first and you next alright?”

"Alright, hyung" he tried not to get too lost in the elders' eyes. His brown orbs that reflected the lights in them, like stars they lit up his eyes like a night sky. How badly did he want to get lost in them forever.

But it was quickly taken away from him as Johnny got up and out of the tent, headed to the bathroom to shower.

“The stuff’s in here, yeah?” Johnny asked before he closed the bathroom door.

“Mhmm, I put them in there before you were done with dinner”

A weight lifted from his chest once the door was shut and he could finally breathe. Like running down a hill and you finally managed to stop at the bottom. Just that blood rush through your limbs as you heave, trying to catch your breath. But it seems like the air is too cold, too piercing like a blade down your throat. Your heart is slamming against your chest and you can’t help but

almost buckle over.

His body was hot, yet it felt so cold. Opting to lay on his back and try to sort his thoughts and feelings out.

It seemed all too sudden that Johnny would be done with his shower. But of course, when Johnny emerged from the shower with a trail of steam behind him, he just had to be unclothed. The only thing covering himself was the towel loosely tied around his waist. He wasn't dry at all, no, his hair dripped and trickled water down his chest and down his navel. And he was just nonchalant about it. As if he wasn't a walking dream. 

It was as calming and serene as watching the rain droplets trickle down the window panes. Watching the battle of them rolling down, wondering which one would hit the bottom first.

He was just grateful that Johnny couldn’t see the way his eyes raked over his body. The way the tent covered the upper half of his body, Johnny couldn’t tell he was staring unless he was closer. He couldn’t tell how he took him in, stared at the way his muscles rippled as he walked, and thought of the ways he could reach up and kiss him. Glad that the elder couldn’t hear his thoughts.

Mark couldn’t help but toss himself over the sheets and blankets, burying his face into the pillows. He couldn’t be seen with his cheeks flushed and he didn’t want to show that he was burning up all over. Afraid that Johnny could hear his heart pounding against his ribcage.

He tried to play it cool like he was just pulling off to sleep. But he couldn't quiet his thoughts about what it would be like to shower with him, to know how suds would form on his shoulders and roll down his back. He just wanted to know what it would be like to be wrapped in his arms and feel his heartbeat against his chest.

Mark didn’t know how long he’d been stuffing his face into the pillows and blankets, but it must’ve been a while. Because Johnny had been crawling into the tent and tossing himself down on the pillows next to him with a soft huff.

“Don’t fall asleep, you need to get cleaned up,” He spoke softly, turning over to pat at his back.

Like always his hands and skin were just hot _ , _ like magma against his skin. He could feel Johnny next to him, yeah of course, but he could feel the warmth radiating off of him like a space heater. 

He lifted his head, turning it to look the elders' way, realizing Johnny’s choice of pajamas today was no shirt but fluffy pajama pants. But instead of dwelling on the sight, he only huffed in response before dropping his head back against the pillow. Just another thing he’d have to deal with during the night.

“Mark, get up, or I’ll carry you myself”

“You’d just enable my lazy behavior, dude”

It only took a couple more attempts and bribery for Mark to finally rip himself from his comfortable spot. The promise of Johnny's world-famous blueberry pancakes did work, but so did the idea of putting distance between Mark and his gay thoughts about the glow of the elders' skin. Strutting his way to get his clothes and towel before shuffling into the bathroom. 

The door shut behind him with a satisfying click. For that moment he was glad that his bathroom door was thick and you could barely hear him thud against it when he pressed his back against it. Taking in a deep breath and running his hands over his face in exasperation. Pushing his locks back, forehead exposed.

He could breathe now. Not that his thoughts would ever stop muttering to him. They were still loud and clear even with the humming of the bathroom lights and fan that had turned on when he flicked the lights on.

His breath was labored as if he had been through track after track. Trying to catch up with his feet ahead of him. But all that he had gone through was a few moments next to his best friend. One moment too much, especially with him unclothed.

They had only picked one bottle of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. And he tried not to think about how their scents would intermingle again. Or how they’d be smelling like each other for the whole time they spent here. He didn’t know which one had his heart pounding against his chest more.

Afraid the elder could hear him talking to himself and could feel the rattling of his heart he quickly turned the shower on and hopped in. Hoping the water would calm him down for the time being. They'd never be quenched or diminished but for now, he could be distracted from them. Drowning his thoughts with the pelting and scalding hot water against his back and down his chest to his toes. 

His hands dragging the floral-scented suds across his chest, around his nape, and down his arms softly. Taking his time as he washed himself. Even as he rinsed the soap off he did it slowly, letting the water trickle down. Running his fingers through his locks as the water helped it slick back. 

Then reality hit him once the water shut off, his body dripping across the bathroom tiles as he reached for the towel. Even more did it hit him when he was finally dressed and dry, opening the door to be hit with the cool living room air. The steam behind him wafted out and he shivered for a second as he was putting his clothes in his bedroom hamper. His bare feet shuffling across the cold wooden floorboards.

He could see Johnny sitting up in the tent by the time he returned to their fort. His elbow kept him up as he scrolled on his phone and Mark tried not to let his eyes linger on his body. Instead, he focused on the way Johnny's fabric bunched up in places, how it folded and stretched across his skin. How the stripes down his pants changed shape around his knees and thighs, the way it folded a little by the bottom hem of the pants. 

But it only made him want to kiss the elder more. Wanting to know how his fuzzy fleece pants would rub against Johnny's own. If he were to sit in his lap, how would Johnny's hands run along his thighs? Because Mark wanted to take care of him, he wanted to softly run his hands up the elder's chest and arms wrap around his neck. 

"We should take this home with us, go camping outdoors", Johnny said as Mark got comfortable against the blankets. Letting his head hit the pillows below with a soft thud. His damp locks sprawling onto the pillow. He cringed at the feeling, but it was already too late for him to get up and blow-dry his locks.

“I’m sure my parents wouldn’t mind, they like you too much,” Mark smiled, looking up at the fairy lights above them.

“Of course they do, I’m amazing,” Johnny tossed his phone out of the tent before grabbing the extra blankets to throw over their bodies.

It made it even harder to not stare at the large expanse of skin in front of him. A look he could never get out of his head now. Of course, there have been times he's seen Johnny like this. They'd gone swimming together and frequented the gym but he never really focused on his looks. Not this close up anyway, not in his childhood home where he was already feeling things time a hundred, and definitely not as they laid down next to each other. 

Johnny eventually started to get comfortable himself, laying down on his stomach with his hand and elbow holding his head up. Leaning his cheek against his palm as he looked down at Mark. With the blanket down at his waist, the golden light behind him shone brilliantly on his skin. Swirling on the surface of his skin, kissing the expanse of his neck, and flowing through his brown fluffy locks.

Absentmindedly Mark found himself running a finger across Johnny’s bicep, fingers running along his forearm before he realized what he was doing.

The elder looked at him with an eyebrow raised and a smirk playing on his lips.

"Sorry, you're just, so big… and squishy" he tweaked the flesh there. Letting his fingers linger there.

"It’s not my fault you're so tiny, Mark" Johnny replies with a chuckle as he wraps his hand and engulfs Mark's wrist effortlessly.

"You're just freakishly tall," easily his grip loosened on his wrist, letting Mark press their hands together, "See? My hands are considered normal-sized, yours are huge for no reason" 

Johnny's fingers bent down on Mark's own, instantly covering them and swallowing up his fingers. He could only huff, turning over to lay on his side and slip his hand from the elder's grasp. The elder too, shuffled down to lay his head on the pillows, letting them lay face to face. 

“That’s so not fair,” he pouted.

“We even each other out though, so it’s not that bad. You’re just a sore loser,” Johnny poked at his cheek.

“Don’t poke me”

“But you’re so cute when angry, you’re so whiny”

“I am  _ not _ whiny,” he crossed his arms.

“Yeah, you’re not whiny at all”

He was scared, intimidated by seeing him so close like this, face to face when he usually sees him by looking up. Mark couldn’t think, he tried to. He tried to count Johnny’s eyelashes and stare into his eyes. Which the elder returned, just staring mindlessly into each other's eyes but not saying anything. Just… Looking.

“This is actually very comfortable,” Johnny spoke up, shuffling under the blankets.

"I never imagined that we'd be here now. Y'know? Not like… kids anymore but adults"

"Yeah, kinda, it's odd seeing how small the house is. It used to look so large"

“I’m just happy that we’ve been friends for so long. We’ve been together through our ugly haircuts and emo phases,” He couldn’t help but wheeze at the thought, “Dude we were so awkward”

“Oh yeah, definitely. But we’ve changed a lot” Johnny said with a chuckle.

“Eh,” Mark shook his head, “You’re still awkward”

“Oh really?”

Johnny raised a brow with a smile. Mark could only giggle, swatting his hands at Johnny and hitting his arm, “Stop looking at me like that”

“Like what?”

“Like the way you’re looking at me”

“I’m not--”

“--But you are”

It ended with them giggling together, tossing themselves backward on the blankets to try and calm down their laughter.

"What about me, hyung?" Mark spoke up after a while of silence. Both rolling back on their sides to look at one another.

It was quiet for a second before the elder spoke up, "You're cuter now, but you still have the same awkward haircut"

"Nice," he said, earning a chuckle from Johnny.

He didn't know what to say. Nor what to do with himself as he laid next to the elder. He felt awkward, just thinking about Johnny next to him, about the heat radiating off of him.

Again it just brought feelings back to him. Of their childhood and the time they spent together over the years. He felt the same as he did those years ago when they were high school and had sleepovers like this.

The buzzing feeling of staying awake, not feeling even a sliver of tired in their bones. No, they instead stood awake and silent. Basking in each other's presence in silence. That feeling of understanding someone so entirely they only needed the warm air and silent breaths to know what they were feeling. What they were thinking.

But all Mark could think about was his feelings bubbling up inside him. And again he asked his younger self, who’d never answer back, how did he deal with this? This burning in his chest, the butterflies in his stomach, the rock in his throat. He’d have to deal with this for a week with Johnny; alone in his home where he originally fell in love. Yet his younger self lived with it for years without him even knowing about it. If only he could live in ignorance once more, at least for this week.

"I'm not joking though, Mark," Johnny said quietly like he didn't want Mark to hear him. As if he

was hesitating. And Johnny Suh never hesitated. He did things even when they scared him deep down, but even when things in life did scare him he wouldn't show it. It was until after he did something that scared him that he would huff out a _ n 'I was terrified' _ . It was something Mark had envied about him.

“You’ve grown into a great person. And I’m glad I got to be a part of your life”

Mark always hesitated. He always second-guessed choices and never did he settle on something until it was too late to change his mind. Even after a decision, he'd contemplate if it was right or wrong. Talking made him wonder if he was picking the right dialogue. 

Which is why he hesitated now, not knowing how he should word it, or how it should sound. How his voice would waver or pronounce certain consonants he wasn’t sure. But like always Johnny understood him, more than he understood himself. Like he knew what his confused looks, bitten lips, and wandering eyes meant. Translating his awkward silence into something tangible.

Because of his awkward silence in search for something to say that would be as sweet. Words that would be as meaningful and hold the same weight as Johnny’s words to him. So simple and kind. Johnny read his eyes as a simple,  _ ‘me too _ ’. Which although short, held a million reasons and meanings behind it.

In his not-so response, Johnny caressed his cheek. Dragging his fingers across his skin and tucking in a strand of hair out of his face, and he kissed him.

Mark didn’t know what he thought this would feel like; kissing Johnny. He always thought it would dreamy, breathtaking, and it would make him woozy. So woozy that his brain would melt and seep into the floor below him.

But it wasn't like that at all. It was grounding. He felt like he dropped down to earth, like he could feel every part of himself. Johnny's lips on his own, molding against his chapped ones, cupping his cheek and making him heat up. Mark could feel his breath hitting Johnny's cheeks, could hear everything from the way the floorboards creaked over nothing, and his heart was pounding so hard it felt like it would burst. 

They separated after what felt like a lifetime, their lips clinging onto one another's as they pulled away. Mark didn’t know what to think or what to, all he could do was look at Johnny’s lips. Like somehow he’d find the answers. 

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Well I wanted to, that’s for one," Mark could only scoff at Johnny’s choice of words. Always so simple, too the point, “It just felt right, the way you were looking at me and laughing. I don’t know” 

"How are you so calm about this?"

"What do you mean, Mark?” He raised a brow, “I've been nervous the entire time, still am"

"O-okay, you know that's so unfair! I've been nervous most of my life with you," he pouted.

"And you say you aren’t whiny. Are you mad that I kissed you first?"

“Yes, actually, I had a whole grand speech ready like all my life, dude. You just can't d--" Johnny leaned in again, pressing their lips together in a short peck, "--You can't just kiss me whenever you'd like to interrupt me. Okay  _ rude _ "

"I think I can"

Mark himself raised a brow, mirroring Johnny’s iconic look, “What makes you think that, hyung?”

“It’s boyfriend rights”

The  _ ‘B’ _ word was one Mark had dreamed about hearing for a long time. Wondering how Johnny would say it, how it would roll off his tongue, and how he’d feel after he would utter the word. It made him freeze, thinking it was just his ears playing tricks on him.

“Mark? You okay?” Johnny asked, putting a hand on Mark’s shoulder.

"Yea-- no I'm fine, I'm so peachy--"

“-Is it because I said boyfriend?”

“Oh, it most definitely is,” he nodded, “I just wasn’t expecting that”

“Is that fine? I thought I was reading the room,” his hand stayed on his shoulder, except he rubbed the area there. Running his hand back up to his cheek, like he was comforting himself more than the younger.

“It was more than fine, you read correctly. Don’t worry about that, I just, I’ve wanted to hear that for a long time”

And this felt like when they were teens. When they’d share secrets and promise to keep them forever. They were each other’s safe haven, there to home them when the world felt too harsh. When they were scared of even the moon and stars upon them in the dark lonely nights.

But now it was the same secret, the same feelings they hid from each other. Afraid of one

another for just a second, unknowing how they’d take it. Yet here they were, okay. Mark was okay.

All the buildup of emotions were finally let free, and he felt empty but at peace. Like rising from the water, he took in a deep breath, letting the cool air fill his lungs. Like he'd been holding his breath just waiting for a moment to breathe peacefully. And he was. Alongside Johnny. 

"How long did you know?" Johnny had asked later than night. They'd decided to unplug the lights, cuddling closer to one another. His head tucked under the elder's chin.

“The summer before freshman year started. You’d told me not to worry when you comforted me in the bathroom,” he sighed against Johnny’s neck, feeling joy fill his chest when the elder shivered, “You told me we’d be together forever and I loved the way it made me feel thinking of us  _ together _ ”

Johnny hummed in response, running his fingers through Mark’s fluffy locks.

The touch reminded him of that talk in that cramped bathroom. Him sitting on the sink, spilling his worries about growing up while Johnny listened. Cross-legged on the toilet seat, with a hand rubbing soothing circles onto his knee. The same soothing circles he was rubbing onto his scalp with the pads of his fingers.

“What about you?”

His hands hovered over Johnny’s chest for a second before he wrapped his arms around the elder. Pulling him in a little closer.

“Middle school. You had gotten close to your deskmate and I was so upset. I wanted you to be close to only me, you were my best friend and I didn’t find it fair that you were laughing at someone else’s jokes”

_ “Wow,” _ Mark said with a soft chuckle.

“I know I was just a, you know, an insecure kid”

"Now you're too confident," Mark said, hitting the elder's chest playfully. 

“I’m so tall and attractive, I can’t help it”

Though he couldn’t see the elder with his head tucked so closely into his neck, he knew there was a giant smirk on his face. He knew his eyebrows were raised to tease and his lips were almost curving up into a smile. But he could hear him chortling, could feel the vibrations of his voice.

“Ugh, you’re so lucky I like you”

“I know I am”

“You’re insufferable”

  
  



End file.
